that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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