My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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