I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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