do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
