I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
