Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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