Kiss
Puke
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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