I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
