Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
foreskin is a definite game changer
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
