I think scott just propositioned me for sex
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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