I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize