So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The uberlube is also flammable
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize