The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
