you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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