We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
