All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize