when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
