Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
