Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
