I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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