I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
