I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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