I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
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