so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize