So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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