well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
