We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
