My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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