Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
As shirtless as possible
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize