I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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