marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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