So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
