sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
