Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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