Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
