I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
