I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
