I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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