is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
