i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
