The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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