it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
