Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
