Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
