It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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