It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
