he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize