You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
