You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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