he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
