can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
