I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
