I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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