Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
