carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
