Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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