i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
