All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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