i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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