Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is Oprah even human
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
