I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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