I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
