my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
