Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
