remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
